


I'm driving

by pisang (semangka)



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Best Friends only :'D, Inspired by drivers license - Olivia Rodrigo (Song), Jealousy, M/M, POV First Person, Post-Time Skip, Songfic, bokuto and atsumu train in brazil
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-20
Updated: 2021-02-20
Packaged: 2021-03-16 13:26:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,070
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29576784
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/semangka/pseuds/pisang
Summary: `♪ [Yeah, you said forever, now I drive alone past your street.]
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji & Bokuto Koutarou, Akaashi Keiji & Kozume Kenma, Akaashi Keiji & Miya Osamu, Bokuto Koutarou/Miya Atsumu
Kudos: 5





	I'm driving

**Author's Note:**

> Haikyuu!! Belongs to Haruichi Furudate. I don't gain any profit from this fanwork but some fun :')

** Akaashi's POV! **

_♪ [I got my driver's license last week ....]_

_♪ [Just like we always talked about ....]_

_♪ [_ _`Cause_ _you were so excited for me ....]_

_♪ [To finally drive up to your house ....]_

The difference is, I got it five years ago. Five years, after I got my driver's license officially. Five years on, from the first time I've been able to drive, your house has always been the first destination I'll always be. Because I always remember. In the moments when we're out together, you always say, 

_"Why haven't you made a driver's license? But you're old enough, you know. Let's hurry to make a driver's license, so you can drive to my house, hehe."_

Your words, perhaps, are just a mockery of you for me who is already old enough but doesn't yet have a driver's license. But I think those words encouraged me to get a driver's license. With one goal, so I can always visit your house, pick you up, and walk together. That's it. Just that. 

_♪ [But today I drove through the suburbs ….]_

_♪ [Crying_ _`cause_ _you weren’t around ….]_

But now, from five years ago to now, I've remained faithfully waiting alone in the car, waiting for you. Just waiting. To show you that now I can drive. Today, I drove across the streets of your house, stopping right in front of your empty house. Crying. A stupid thing a loser like me would only do. Crying over the loss of the man without knowing when he will return. _Huh...._

_♪ [And you’re probably with that blonde boy ….]_

_♪ [Who always made me doubt ….]_

_♪ [He’s so much older than me ….]_

_♪ [He’s everything I’m insecure about ….]_

  
I still remember our conversation three years ago. At that time you said, if you want to continue your college education abroad. I can only give you encouragement, which I now regret. You also added that in that country you will also hone your talents to become a professional volleyball player until you can join the national volleyball team. Again, I was just encouraging, though I didn't know if I should be happy or sad at the time. And, well, time is running out so fast. You graduated, leaving me alone here. At the time, I hadn't had time to grant your wish, I didn't have a driver's license. And, you're gone. I cursed myself, why did you take so long, he’s gone. He left you. You don't even know when he'll be back. 

One day Osamu told me that Atsumu, his twin brother, was also training to become a professional volleyball player with you. From Osamu, I also know that you studied at the same university, even living together in a room in the apartment. Save on expenses, _he said._ At first, I didn't really care, because, ya, there are a lot of people who want to be a professional volleyball player and get into the national team, including you and him. And, what am I suspecting you two for? But, lately, why are you so hard to contact? What are you doing there? How are you? Until finally all my questions about you were answered through an upload from an _Instagram_ user account called @tsumu_myya, Atsumu’s. Clearly, it's you, you and him, you and Atsumu, posing affectionately on each other's shoulders. It is in the _caption,_ that you two are celebrating your success because you have finally passed the selection of the new volleyball national team players. Either I should be happy to hear about your acceptance, or sad that you didn't tell me anything about it. You two, you two, just a photo upload of the two of you. That's the post. I don't know why it can make my eyes watery, either because I'm on your way home, waiting for you, or because it's just because of it. 

_♪ [Yeah, today I drove through the suburbs ….]_

_♪ [_ _`Cause_ _how could I ever love someone else ….]_

_♪ [And I know we weren’t perfect ….]_

_♪ [But I’ve never felt this way for no one ….]_

_♪ [And I just can’t imagine, how you could be so okay now that I’m gone ….]_

_♪ [Guess you didn’t mean what you wrote in that song about me ….]_

_♪ [_ _`Cause_ _you said forever, now I drove alone past your street ….]_

Every day I send you messages. It's short, like asking you how you're doing now, or maybe it's a topic I'm on. But for sure, I never said, _I miss you,_ because for what? Our status is just best friends, I have no right to feel jealous of you no matter what the cause. Although the longing for his own best friend, it is still fair. Best, friend. Our status is limited to best friends, nothing more than that. Damn, why didn't I confess about my feelings for you back then? Why? Before you finally have someone else in your life. However, what about your answer? When I asked you how you were doing, you just replied briefly: _I'm good._ But, after that, you didn't ask me back how I was. I'm sad. I feel sad, you know. What makes you just recspond briefly like, _'I'm good'?_ Are ... are you really okay? But it seems like yes, it's just me thinking about making it up that you're not okay there. But how could it be, isn't there already _him_ there. _Him,_ who always accompanies your days in the same. Maybe it's because _of him_ that I got overlooked by you. If you know, I've considered you more than a friend. Best friend? More than that. I ... I've thought of you as, like, the closest person in my life. But, that's just my assumption. On the other hand, you just think of me as a best friend. A true friend who will always be faithful to support all your dreams. But the truth is. Just, that's it. _Best friend._

_♪ [And all my friends are tired ….]_

_♪ [Of hearing how much I miss you, but ….]_

_♪ [I_ _kinda_ _feel sorry for them ….]_

_♪ [_ _`Cause_ _they’ll never know you the way that I do ….]_

You remember Kuroo, and his best friend Kenma? Kenma, he's the only friend I have who's willing to listen to all my stories about you. I'm even friends with him, because you're friends with Kuroo, am I right? There are many stories about you that I told to Kenma, like how I miss you, miss walking together with you, or even just miss your smile. Everything about you I told him, strangely enough, he would listen to all of it. Unlike my other friends, he carefully listened to it all, as if he would never get tired of hearing my stories about you. Even though he doesn't know you as well as I do. Therefore, I want to thank you. Thank you, because you introduced me to your best friend Kuroo, who is finally now his best friend, Kenma, where I tell you about my feelings for you. 

_♪ [Yeah, today I drove through the suburbs ….]_

_♪ [And pictured I was driving home to you ….]_

_♪ [And I know we weren’t perfect ….]_

_♪ [But I’ve never felt this way for no one ….]_

_♪ [And I just can’t imagine, how you could be so okay now that I’m gone ….]_

_♪ [I guess you didn’t mean what you wrote in that song about me ….]_

_♪ [_ _`Cause_ _you said forever, now I drove alone past your street ….]_

We, whatever we are, our status is _unclear_ to me. Because I love you and you only think I'm a friend. But, for some reason, I can't just think of you as a friend. Have no feelings like this to anyone but yourself. Only you, a friend who just thinks of me as your best friend. Huh, it's stupid that I think you also have the same feelings as me. But I thought, friends will always worry about other friends, right? But, why don't you? I thought a friend would be sad if he was separated from his best friend. But, what about you? Me? Don't ask me again. Do you also feel sad about having to separate from me that you told your _best_ _friend?_ Nope, I didn't find any of the signs that you missed me _too._ Everything's going as usual, like before you left me. 

_♪ [Red lights, stop signs ….]_

_♪ [I still see your face in the white cars, front yards ….]_

_♪ [Can’t drive past the places we used to go to ….]_

_♪ [_ _`Cause_ _I still fucking love you, babe ….]_

_♪ [Sidewalks, we crossed ….]_

_♪ [I still hear your voice in the traffic ….]_

_♪ [We’re laughing over all the noise ….]_

_♪ [God, I’m so blue, know we’re through ….]_

_♪ [But I still fucking love you, babe ….]_

Do you also remember the various places we visited in the past? From just a park near the school, the supermarket next to my house, or to the cinema downtown. I also remember, you who were always waiting for me to pick out novels in a bookstore. All, all the places we've been together, somehow I can't or rather don't want to go through the streets where those places are. That, all will just remind me of you, who now you don't even know that I'm nostalgic about you and the memories I've recorded with you. Even up to just a roadside sidewalk that every day becomes a path to school. You're always there, accompanying my morning commute to school. _Beautiful_. It's beautiful. Revisit those places will only make me cry. And again, crying over the passing of someone you don't miss back. 

_♪ [And I know we weren’t perfect ….]_

_♪ [But I’ve never felt this way for no one ….]_

_♪ [And I just can’t imagine, how you could be so okay now that I’m gone ….]_

_♪ [Guess you didn’t mean what you wrote in that song about me ….]_

_♪ [_ _`Cause_ _you said forever, now I drove alone past your street ….]_

Today, I'm driving back through the streets of your house. Stopped the car right in front of an empty house that's been my stop for the past five years. Today is Sunday, is it normal if the streets look deserted? There are only a few motorcycles that pass by, that I can count using fingers. _It's quiet._ Quiet, like my mood right now. Either because the streets are not as crowded as usual or I just want to find a pleasure through a social media app called _Instagram,_ yes. I pressed the app icon. The white screen changed into an upload from your account, @k.bokutoo_ can make my eyes wide. Yes, a single latest upload from your account, can once again make me cry like _last_ _time._ That's you, cupping ... Atsumu’s cheeks? Cheerfulness is seen on both your faces. _Beautiful._ Wait, why would I think it's beautiful? But you smiled too because _of that person,_ not because of me. Maybe, it’s just because how much I miss your smile, even if it's because someone else. My eyes go back to your uploaded _caption_ that says, 

_We won against_ _Schweiden_ _Adlers! After our first game against_ _Schweiden_ _Adlers, I confessed to one of the Black Jackals teammates, @tsumu_myya. And you know what did he said? "Yes," AHHH! This is one of the best days of my life. Won the first game as an official member of the Black Jackals with Schweiden Adlers, and ... acceptance? HAAHHHH! I don't know what other luck will come to me. But again, thank you all for your support! @tsumu_myya, I love you!_

Wow... Cool. You're finally being with him. Didn't have time to double-press your upload, I slammed my phone into the passenger seat next door, which you should be sitting in there. But it's too late. As I've ever thought, I'm late. You already have someone else in your life. Even forget about me? I think so. All right, _enough with the play_. Congratulations on both of you. I fastened the seat belt that I had loosened. Glanced around. _Just in time._ Stepped on the gas pedal so fast, until it hit a closed crossbar because the train was about to pass, and, yes, it was. Goodbye, the world, or I don't know who I'm going to say goodbye to. I can't wait to see your face when you find the news of a high-speed car crashing into a passing train. And it's me! Hah ... hah. It's all over. Thank you for being my best friend. Bye world! 

_♪ [Yeah, you said forever, now I drive alone past your street.]_

* * *

Thank you for reading! Check out the Indonesian version! [Here!](https://archiveofourown.org/works/29576262)


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